Another Celebrity Short Sale: Jennifer Carpenter

SELLER: Jennifer Carpenter
LOCATION: Lookout Mountain Avenue, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $695,000
SIZE: 986 square feet, 2 bedrooms, 1.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: This 1937 celebrity owned house has two bedrooms and one a half bathrooms. A "cottage in the woods," this private home has incedible decks, a private flat yard, and is surrounded by mature trees and landscaping. Inside the updated house are vaulted ceilings, fireplace, hardwood floors, and a beautifully redone kitchen. The dining room is the ultimate in light and air. It is rare to find the incredible location that this home offers.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: A few days ago the gal who currently pens the Hot Property column for the ever shrinking L.A. Times discussed an itty-bitty cottage in the legendary Laurel Canyon neighborhood of Los Angeles listed for sale with a price tag of $695,000. The article named the owner as Jennifer Carpenter who appears on the dee-voonly creepy program Dexter with her huzband Michael C. Hall who plays a vicious, clever and inappropriately sexy serial killer.

Rather interestingly, the Hot Property column ran with the headline, "'Dexter' stars Michael C. Hall and wife Jennifer Carpenter look to make a killing." While Your Mama can certainly appreciate the word smithing, it's a bit misleading from a financial point of view because Miss Carpenter and Mister Hall do not by any stretch of the imagination stand to make a killing by selling this bantam bungalow that listing information indicates measures just 984 square feet. In fact, property records reveal that in June of 2007 Miss Hall paid $830,000 for the Lookout Mountain Avenue cottage which means that the newly wedded Miss Carpenter will lose a substantial amount of money even if the property sells for its current asking price.

Although Miss Carpenter tried to sell her attractively renovated 2 bedroom and 1.5 bathroom cottage way back in March of 2008 when it was listed for $849,000–later reduced to $794,000–the current asking price of $695,000 is far less than the eight hundred and some thousand she paid for the place. A few flicks of the well worn beads on our bejeweled abacus indicates the picayune property is currently listed at $135,000 less than she paid and a bit more research and few minutes more peeping and poking around public mortgage records reveals that at the current list price, Miss Carpenter stands to lose a substantial amount of money when she sells the property. Of course, Your Mama would bet our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly that she and Mister Hall can comfortably stomach and afford the loss, but we imagine that losing many tens of thousands of dollars stings just a little bit even still.

Listing information indicates the wee house was built in 1937 and the Hot Property column declares that it was originally built as a hunting cottage. A narrow flight of stairs to the right of the single car garage leads from the street to a covered porch that opens directly into the living room. Your Mama prefers an entrance hall of some kind, but what can one expect in a lilliputian house like this? The petite and cozy living room features wood floors, a peaked ceiling, and a wood burning fireplace. A few short steps away is the window wrapped and sky lit dining room that listing information rather floridly calls, "the ultimate in light and air." It is a quaint room–despite the surgical suite style chandelier–and we appreciate the charming paned windows, the vaulted ceiling and the wonderfully tense pairing of a rustic dining room table with six white Eames plastic molded chairs with wire bases, but to call the undeniably tiny space, "the ultimate in light and air" seems to be pushing the descriptive envelope beyond the pale.

Another few steps from the dining room is the renovated kitchen. While it may only be as large as a clothing queen's walk in closet, it has a large window, a sky light, slate floors, flat fronted maple cabinetry, open shelving, and is well equipped with concrete counter tops, a quiet dishwasher and a baby Viking range and hood. The kitchen designer even managed to get a small breakfast bar in there which was a real feat considering the room is the size of an office cubicle. Your Mama is going to give a pass on the wall mounted pot rack to the left of the stove. We don't approve, natch, but at least it's not swinging above and looming overhead threatening to take a person out in an earthquake.

The master bedroom–which isn't really a proper master bedroom as far as we can tell–has a long row of paned windows, low maple cabinetry for underwear and other private things, and French doors that open a private deck overlooking the canyon and a flat and grassy section of the back yard. The main bathroom is efficiently equipped with built in shelves and a shower/tub combination with round, moss green tiles that stretch up to the ceiling. We're also going to look past the too-trendy salad bowl sink because even though it's of high quality, that shit can and should be switched out for something less kitchen like.

The second bedroom appears to be located beneath the main floor and accessed via a spiral staircase that looks like it's screaming, "No fat assess allowed." The second bedroom appears to Your Mama to have been fashioned out of what was once a space that would have accurately been described as "below the house" and has low ceilings, sisal wall to wall carpeting–at least we hope it's sisal and not some horrible semi-shag thing–and a lot of built in and enclosed storage which is a real bonus for a residence the size of a storage unit. Outdoor areas include a large deck at the front of the house, a small deck off the master bedroom and a flat lawn area at the rear of the property that is just big enough to install a horse shoe pit should the new owner wish.

According to listing information, the property is under contract. Bully for Miss Carpenter and Mister Hall.

Presumably Miss Carpenter is selling her bachelorette pad now that she's no longer a single ladee and is, we assume, living up with her man-mate in the 4 bedroom and 6 pooper property on Senalda Road in the Outpost Estates neighborhood which records reveal was purchased in April of 2008 for $1,750,000. If Senalda Road rings any of the children's celebrity real estate bell it is because the street also claims residents such as Oscar nominated filmmaker David Lynch, Golden Globe nominated actress Scarlett Johannson and her huzband Ryan Reynolds, Oscar nominated and Emmy winning actress Felicity Huffman and her Oscar and Emmy nominated huzband William H. Macy, and Oscar winner Charlize Theron who is currently living elsewhere while her house undergoes an extensive renovation.