Justin Berfield Sells Newlywed's Nest

SELLER: Justin Berfield
LOCATION: Lorena Drive, Calabasas, CA
PRICE: $3,995,000
SIZE: 5 bedrooms, 7 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: ...Situated in a guard-gated community, this privately gated home has been impeccably remodeled. The towering entryway has an exquisite wrought iron staircase & zen-like fountain while the open floor plan showcases the walls of windows. Exceptional amenities include: a restaurant style wine cellar, home theater & recording studio/gym. Chef s kitchen w/state-of-the art stainless steel appls. & can accommodate either intimate dining or a large catered event....

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Your Mama is working on all ferreting out the 411 on a number of interesting celebrity real estate transactions, but we've yet to nail any of them down solidly enough to discuss them. So rather than look like a fool who does not know what we're talking about (which we admit sometimes happens despite out efforts not to), we're going to piggy back on the recent report of the lovely Ann Brenoff at the Los Angeles Times who revealed that former Malcom in the Middle actor turned producer Justin Berfield listed his Calabasas crib for $3,995,000.

If the children will put on their thinking caps, they might recall that young Mister Berfield only purchased the property in January of 2006 for $3,750,000 from dee-vorcing newlyweds Nick Lachey and that poor Jessica Simpson gurl who can't seem to stop her career from its slow and sad slide down the Tinseltown terlit. The former couple filmed their reality program Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica in this house and it was the scene of many embarrassing moments for the former Miz Lachey who Your Mama sincerely hopes is smarter than she appeared to be on that program.

Mister Berfield's "Trendy Contemporary Estate" above Lorena Drive in one of the many gated communities that surround the Calabasas Golf and Country Club. The house shares a driveway with an adjacent vacant buildable parcel that is owned by someone who is not Mister Berfield, Mister Lachey or Miss Simpson. Our tattletell tells us that Mister Berfield has a first right of refusal to purchase the land if the owner chooses to sell. Who knows if that right of refusal will transfer to the new owner. But if not, the current owners could build a big house that would likely share the gates and driveway to Mister Berfields house. Make sense?

Property records and listing information show the recently rehabbed, quasi-Mediterranean style mansion measures 6,483 square feet and includes 5 bedrooms and 7 bathrooms. Each of the bedrooms features its own private pooper and the master suite is comprised of a bedroom, a sitting area with fireplace, a big ol' bathroom, spacious walk in closets and a private balcony with views over the tiled roofs of all the other quasi-Mediterranean style mansions that line the gated streets that surround the Calabasas Golf and Country Club.

The meant to impress the guests rotunda entrance hall features a curving staircase with wrought iron details and a "zen-like fountain." Other amenities include formal living and dining rooms, a gore-may kitchen with state of the art stainless steel appliances, a wine cellar, home theater and a room that, apparently, does double duty as a recording studio and a gym.

Listing information also shows the back yard includes a "dramatic pool & overflow spa," whatever that is, as well as a "draped cabana & hotel style lounging areas." Sounds like Mister Berfield and his nice gay decorator have gone hog wild turning what is really a very ordinary, if very expensive, crib in Calabasas into a wonderland perfect for a bevy barely dressed babes to lay around and hope young Mister Berfield can get them on the boob-toob.

According to Miz Brenoff, 23-year old former child actor wants to unload his suburban mansion so that he can move to the glittery shores of Malee-boo where he'll have easier access to the offices of the film and tee-vee companies he formed in Venice.

UPDATE: Mariah Carey

Nothing like a little real estate rumor and gossip to start the morning...

A few weeks ago, Your Mama revealed that whistle stop warbler Mariah Carey was sniffing around Los Angeles for a west coast crib. Well, hold on to your britches children because new reports have surfaced that Miss Mariah and her man-mate Nick Cannon have made an offer on Fleur de Lys, the $125,000,000 Holmby Hills architectural extravaganza owned by couture queen Suzanne Saperstein who was granted the wildly lavish and ridiculously ritzy residential beast in her much yakked about dee-vorce from Texan tycoon David Saperstein.

The faux French pile sits on 5+ acres of choice real estate and measures a boo-teek hotel-sized 35,046 square feet. (Some reports put the place at closer to 45,000 square feet and it probably is when you add up all the interior spaces including the pool house and staff quarters.) In addition to a dozen or more rooms filled with a freighter-full of exceedingly expensive 18th century furniture, there are 12 bedroom and 15 bathrooms, a gen-u-wine ballroom, 2 kitchens, a massage room, and a 50 seat movie theater, a three bedroom manager's house plus staff quarters for 10 or more. The over the top day-core features Italian marble walls, French limestone floors, gold embossed leather wall coverings and more gold was used for leafing the moldings than is held in Fort damn Knox.

Anyhoo, like most people, Your Mama is as flummoxed, flabbergasted and generally in need of a nerve pill whenever we think of Fleur de Lys, but is it our humble and meaningless opinion that Miz Saperstein's dream house is far to serious a house for a woman like Mariah Carey who reportedly had a Hello Kitty themed bathroom installed in her TriBeCa triplex in New York City–the one she bought after her offer to buy Barbra Streisand's apartment on the Upper West Side was roundly rejected.

It is our understanding that the fantastical Fleur de Lys, currently the most expensive property on the open market in Los Angeles, has been looked at by a fair number of moneyed-up magnates and foreign potentates and, according to our amigo Kenny Kissintell, Miz Saperstein, "Foolishly turned down an offer of $80,000,000 from a Chinese gentleman." Your Mama would bet our long bodied bitches she's kicking her well preserved Pilates booty over not taking that offer now.

We're skeptical of this whole thing, as is our well positioned pal Nelly Knowsitall, a glammy gal with long lacquered nails firmly on the pulse of all things real estate related in the Platinum Triangle. Besides, let's be honest children, Miss Mariah is rich, but she is not Fleur de Lys rich. Plus we hear that she's been peeping and pecking around for much less expensive properties in Encino. That's right, Encino.

UPDATE LATER SAME DAY: For what it's worth we've now heard from several of our sources who are adamant this story–which first appeared on Contact Music's website–is entirely untrue. In fact, one of our sources swears that Mariah never even set foot on the property. Which makes sense, because like we said earlier, she's rich, but she's not in the same real estate sandbox and the dee-voonly over the top and insanely wealthy Miz Saperstein.

Madonna in Palm Beach?

WHO: Madonna Ciccone Penn Ritchie
LOCATION: Sheltingham Drive, Wellington, FL
PRICE: $50,000/month
SIZE: 9,500 square feet (approx.) 6 bedrooms, 7 full and 2 half bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: ...This immaculate custom home, selling not only fully furnished with interior design by noted N.Y. designer, also includes brand new tvs, electronic systems, new linens, etc. The main house house 5 bedrooms, 7.5 bathrooms with 3 master suites and a separate guest house. There is an indoor/outdoor living flow around the pool with a fabulous outdoor kitchen.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: According to one of Your Mama's sources (and Palm Beach gossip Jose Lambiet), maneating Madonna Ciccone Penn Ritchie has forked over a hefty $50,000 to lease a mansion for one month behind the gates of the posh Palm Beach Polo and Country Club in Wellington, FL where she can spend some quality time with her new besties, professional polo stud Nacho Figueras and his wifey Delfina.

Her Madgesty has reportedly been spending an increasing amount of time in the Palm Beach area and according to Señor Lambiet, she's pecking around for a Palm Beach pad. Pleeze. Your Mama would love nothing more than to witness the glorious spectacle of the well preserved 50 year old superstar storming the staid shores of Palm Beach with her posse of pretty boys, security goons and sycophants, but somehow we sort of doubt the Kabbalah Kween is looking to put down real roots in Palm Beach. Maybe. Could be. She has owned a house in Florida before. However, real estate rumors constantly swirl around Madonna and should be seen, heard and read with a giant grain of salt and cynicism. Wasn't it just a couple of weeks ago that everyone thought she was dumping thity-eight million clams on a new townhouse in Manhattan, a purchase that has yet to materialize? With this bee-hawtcha, it's all real estate rumor and gossip until she actually scratches her name on the deed's dotted line.

Anyhoo, thanks to our pal the Palm Beach Bizzy Bee, we've uncovered a few facts and figures about the property where Madonna and clan are rumored to be bunking. Property records show the mansion once belonged to BET network co-founder Sheila Johnson and measures 6,277 square feet while listing information puts it at about 9,500 square feet, a number that includes the 650 square foot guest house where Madge can park her scantily clad men in waiting.

Listing information shows the property includes a total of 6 bedrooms , 7 full and 2 half bathrooms which means, of course, that Her Highness will likely need to bring her terlit gurl down from New York because somehow we don't imagine one of Lourdes' chores is to scrub down the terlits.

The interiors spaces of her rental residence were apparently did up by a big name N.Y. designer, and while it all looks like a thousand other Palm Beach mansions, it seems a bit grey haired for a middle aged gal desperate to retain her youth and beauty.

The back of the house faces the golf course and opens to a long and deep covered terraced with gauzy curtains, a swimming pool, spa, pool pavilion and outdoor kitchen where her current conquest, 22- year old male model Jesus Luz–who has reportedly moved in to her New York City spread–can cook up whatever sort of macrobiotic vittles won't slip through the grill on the barbecue pit.

Miz Madonna's Palm Beach proclivities are certainly interesting to Your Mama, but what we really want to know is now that she's a dee-vor-say, what's going to happen to her the double wide townhouse in London she shared with the ex-huzband and what's the fate of her big house in Beverly Hills that sits on a particularly swank section of Sunset Boulevard? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

UPDATE: Ricardo Montaban

SELLER: Estate of Ricardo Montalban
LOCATION: Oriole Drive, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $20,000,000
SIZE: 6,679 square feet, 6 bedrooms, 5.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: The Montalban House, designed by Ricardio Legorreta, FAIA, 1986. A masterwork of cubistic forms and volumes are framed by head-on city, canyon and ocean views. The house reflects a spirited interplay of space, color and light typical of Legorreta's work. On an acre+ knoll, this legendary house features 3 bedrooms up + 2 bedrms dn + guest suite, den, huge LR, formal dining room, swimmers pool, large patio, and motor court for approx. 15 cars.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: A couple of weeks ago Your Mama whispered to the children that we had heard from two well positioned Beverly Hills bean spillers that the bird Street aerie of recently deceased actor Ricardo Montalban was about to hit the market with an asking price of around twenty million clams. And, it has.

Thanks to Our Fairy Godmother High Above the Sunset Strip, we've learned that the architecturally significant and visually challenging house has indeed arrived on the open market with a big, round asking price of $20,000,000.

Now children, Your Mama asks that y'all just look right past the dated day-core and the upsetting mirrored wall in the dining room which are completely lacking in charm and have no viable or recognizable relationship to or with the architectural language of Casa Montalban. We ask not only because it's just not nice or in good taste to speak ill of the dead but because the new owner of this house, whomever that will be, will surely hire a smart architect (perhaps even the eponymous firm of the original architect Ricardo Legorreta) and a nice gay decorator who will work the place over, up, down, sideways and inside-out like only the very rich can afford to do.

The house is approached by a gently curving driveway that rises ever so slightly to the massive 15+ car motor court that has more in common stylistically with the central plaza of some dusty down in Oaxaca than the motor court of a heavy duty house high in the hills of Los Angeles that carries an 8-figure asking price. At the front of the property two tall hedges enclose an small area which could be used as a secret garden, a vegetable garden, a private play yard for the children's swing set or just for hiding unsightly things like storage sheds, broken down bicycles and chopped wood.

The residence measures 6,679 dee-lishus square feet of stacked cubes and vast planes that make Your Mama feel all warm and fuzzy inside. We understand this sort of residential architecture is not for everyone, but we happen to love these stripped down minimalist Mexican haciendas and their brutally unapologetic and forbidding facades that Señor Legorreta and fellow Mexican master Luis Barragán were so damn good at bringing to life. Always have, always will.

According to listing information, 3 of the house's six bedrooms are upstairs, 2 are located on the ground floor and there is an additional guest suite (or a staff suite if you're well to do and nice to your live-ins). The large living room features tiles floors and two gigantic windows that flank the fireplace which is really nothing more that a black hole in the wall. The windows look across the rear terrace, over the mountains above the Sunset Strip and across the glittering lights of Los Angeles.

On the north side of the house, a long narrow swimmers pool runs along a wide and private terrace which is paved with the same tiles as the floors on the interior and where the Montalbans could have tanned their nood booties in the scorching southern California sunshine, were they inclined to do so.

All around the house built-in seating areas beckon and covered terraces call for lazy afternoons sipping gin and tonics and reading all the latest gossip glossies. Landscaping is minimal, natch and consists primarily of easy maintenance and drought friendly cactus gardens and gravel, which is a good thing considering California is, in fact, facing a drought. And for the record, Your Mama does not want to hear about how some of the children think the drought is some sort of punishment from heaven or that it's just another one of those many things that make living in California such an obscene idea. There are disasters and drawbacks to just about every part of the U-nited States of America –do y'all remember that thing called Katrina that wreaked havoc on the Gulf States or the Mississippi River running over, flooding and ravaging mile after mile of the Midwest. If you prefer tornadoes to earthquakes or ice storms to droughts, so be it, to each they own.

Interestingly all three houses that occupy the same knoll as the Montalban House either are or have recently been for sale. Next door sits the relatively newly built Tuscan behemoth that belongs to some hedge (fund) hog and is currently listed at blistering $28,000,000 and next to that is crooner Lionel Richie's old house that now belongs to some bigwig Scientologist that has been for sale on an off since 2005 and was until very recently listed on the open market with an asking price of $16,500,000 (reduced from $17,500,000).

A South Park Executive Producer Is Moving On

SELLER: Anne Garefino
LOCATION: Coldwater Canyon Drive, Beverly Hills, CA
PRICE: $1,795,000
SIZE: 2,112 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Welcome to this inviting 3+2.5 fabulous home with a retreat-like backyard. Beautiful built-ins, hardwood floors and French doors throughout. Fantastically remodeled, large, eat-in kitchen. Lovely master with French doors. Most rooms look out to gorgeous greenery. Breathtaking tranquil backyard with stunning pool, lush landscaping and wonderful outdoor sitting areas.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Before we begin discussing this property, Your Mama needs to get our damn wooden spoon out of the drawer and swat it around a bit. Thanks to a large number of loyal and long time readers, it has come to our attention that there are a few disgruntled, bitter and hostile individuals hanging about the comments section making it unpleasant for the vast majority of the other children. So we spent bit of time perusing through the comments section the last couple of days–which we do not normally d0–and we were mor-ti-fied at some of the foul and offensive comments.

To those of you who seem to enjoy creating controversy and stirring up shit in our comments section, you are through messing with Your Mama's baby. Don't like it? Too damn bad. This is our house and we do not appreciate and will not tolerate you coming in here pissing on the floor and crapping on the carpets with a total disregard for Your Mama and everyone else. Take your free-floating anger and unrestrained bile and go elsewhere.

We love that the children talk to each other, have opinions about the properties we write about and otherwise form a sort of "community." However, if the comments sections is going to be ruined by a bunch of anuses making stoopid, aggressive and nasty comments about other children (and Your Mama), then screw it, we'll just turn the damn comments section off because we do not have time to police morons. Got it?

As for the rest of the children who play nicely in our sandbox...please ignore the imbeciles. Engaging him/her/them just provides the attention these people so desperately seek. Your Mama can hardly even believe that anyone would be so wrecked they need to come on to a stupid blog about celebrity real estate in order to get the attention they must be lacking in their "real" lives. Honestly! That is just pathetic.

Now then, back to our regular scheduled programming...

Comedy Central's award winning, sassy and seriously satirical animated sit-com South Park, which debuted in 1997, has made many people wildly rich including executive producer Anne Garefino who recently put her Beverly Hills (Post Office) home on the market with an asking price of $1,795,000.

Although we are not now nor ever been die-hard South Parkians who can claim to have sat through every episode, Your Mama is a devoted contrarian who can't help but love any tee-vee program that unflinchingly takes on the taboo, the sacred and the profane. South Park, created by comedy geniuses Trey Parker and Matt Stone, never shies away from controversy and although the celebrity skewering and religion bashing boob-toob program has many times landed the shows producers in boiling hot water with everyone from network censors to Tom Cruise to the damn Pope, it's also earned Miz Garefino 3 Emmys and 5 more nominations. Not bad for a show with a recurring character that is a talking piece of poo.

Property records show Miz Garefino purchased her Coldwater Canyon Drive property in May of 2000 for $740,000. A few flicks of the well worn beads our our bejeweled abacus reveals that if Miz Garefino gets anywhere near her asking price, she'll pocket nearly a million clams for her stewardship of the property. Records also show she bought the house from Steve Hermann, one of Los Angeles' more successful and well-known house flippers who may (or may not) be the person responsible for the updating and upgrading of what is essentially, from an architectural stand point, a very basic and banal Bevery Hills ranch house located on a very busy street.

Listing information indicates the single story house measures a modest for Beverly Hills 2,112 square feet and includes 3 bedrooms and 2.5 bathrooms. Fortunately, the house is accessed by a circular drive that allows Miz Garefino and guest to pull off the property moving forward because, let's be honest children, backing out of a driveway on Coldwater Canyon can be hazardous to one's health at any time of day or night.

The main living spaces face the rear of the property and include a sky lit living and dining room combination with a fireplace, sloping ceiling and two walls with wood framed pane-less French doors that open to the back yard. While the living room day-core is certainly functional if not particularly inspired, those dining room chairs are disruptive to our delicate design equilibrium. The only thing worse than the deeply disturbing dining room chairs which are upholstered in periwinkle fabric is the wonky "chandelier" light fixture thing that looks like five of those stoopid ghosts from Pacman hanging from the damn ceiling.

The renovated eat in kitchen looks very late 1990s to Your Mama, but all things considered, is far from terrible. There are flat fronted maple cabinets with long stainless steel pulls, over head cabinets with frosted glass fronts, some glass tile accents and speckled granite counter tops that we recommend the new owner replace because, well, because we think changing the counter tops would help save the kitchen from going the way of the belly button piercing which was crazy fashionable in 1992, but has become too common to be considered even remotely cool or stylish anymore.

In addition to the two secondary bedrooms, a small library/den/office where Miz Garefino has actual books (hooray!) and a nice view of the lushly planted hillside gardens. The master is adequately sized unless you're the type that requires a seating area with a couple of couches flanking a fireplace. There is a row of pane-less french doors that open to the rear deck and a too beige bathroom with tumbled limestone tile accents and round mirrors that hang over the double sinks and flank one of the well aerated terlit room's two windows.

A deck runs the length of the rear of the house some of which is tucked under the deep eaves and some of which is covered with a trellis with wisteria winding in and our of the slatted trellis. The kidney-shaped, heated lagoon like swimming pool and spa has been sunk into the lawn with a simple brick coping. Both Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter appreciate that the pool is somewhat small. Who needs one of these monster pools with a damn slide and shit?

Miz Garefino's South Park is contracted for 14 episodes per year through 2011, so she'll have some sizable checks rolling in for another few years after which she'll start making the real money, the re-run residuals money that can turn an ordinary rich person in a filthy stinking rich person practically overnight. Well, bra-vah! We should all be so lucky to get ridiculously rich working on such clever and irreverent fare.

A Couple Of Design Queens Sell A Small House.

SELLERS: A couple of design queens named Josh and Raphael
LOCATION: Udell Court, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $767,000
SIZE: 1,080 square feet, 2 bedrooms, 1 bathroom
DESCRIPTION: Tastefully renovated, this designer-owned and published modern Hamptons beach house in the Franklin Hills is tucked away on a cul-de-sac yet very near Sunset Junction, Trader Joe's and Gelson's. This enchanted home includes two bedrooms with an office or third bedroom, one bathroom, and a detached studio. Skylights and French windows throughout the house bring in lots of natural light. A fully enclosed backyard with mature landscaping and views is perfect for pets and everyone to enjoy.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Your Mama has become a bit weary of looking at super-sized celebrity homes that are too big, too decorated and too expensive for most people to even fantasize about, so this afternoon we're going to do something a little bit different and look at a wee house in the Franklin Hills area of Los Angeles that is listed for sale (and appears to be in escrow) with an asking price of $767,000.

Property records reveal the teeny-tiny cottage was purchased in July of 2006 for $636,000 by Emmy winning visual effects designer Joshua Rose and his Chinese medicine practicing man-mate Raphael Kalichstein. At the time, the good looking design queens purchased the house on Udell Court, it was a serious fixer that only a nice gay decorator could appreciate. If you don't believe Your Mama, head over to the dee-lightful and always informative Apartment Therapy who featured before and after photos of the house way back in July of 2007.

Records show the house measures a pint-sized 1,080 square feet and listing information indicates there are just 2 bedrooms and 1 bathroom. In addition to the decent sized living room and the wonky shaped and sky lit dining room, the house includes a kitchen with cabinets painted a striking shade of green, and an office separated from the living room with a set of French doors that have been given a nifty navy blue and black paint treatment. Somewhere on the property, maybe in the house or maybe in some sort of detached shed-like structure, is Mister Kalichstein's treatment room which features a high ceiling, a wood floor and some built in cabinetry.

Now, before you children go ripping this place to shreds, keep in mind that these two gentlemen get paid to decorate other people's homes and just because it may not be your taste, does not mean it's not in good taste. The comely couple operate a small interior design firm called FORM based on the idea that working with an interior designer should not be a luxury for only the rich and ought to be affordable to folks with modest bank accounts.

For what it's worth, we happen to think these two decorating dynamos can really do a room over without overdoing a room. Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter both like the white walls set against the dark window frames which are enhanced by the brightly colored furniture, accessories and knick-knacks. It is our humble and utterly meaningless opinion that Mister Rose and Mister Kalichstein have successfully transformed the interior spaces of an architecturally lackluster house with wonky exterior articulation into a contemporary home filled with light and color that does not look too precious to actually live in or like it's adhering to any particular "school" of interior day-core.

That we think that will come as no surprise to anyone who was ever in Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter's weekend house which we no longer own but had a very similar (if a little less glossy) day-core. In fact, their kitchen is much like our kitchen except where they've got green, we had a very bright yellow. We don't know if the new owners kept the color, but if they did not, we do not want to know because it was gorgeous.

Given that this couple clearly spent a few buck rehabbing this residence it does not look like they're going to pocket much in the way of profit. None the less, Your Mama hopes they're on to bigger and better digs where they'll have bit more room to exercise and stretch their design ideas.

Sally Field Selling Malibu Manse

SELLER: Sally Field
LOCATION: McAnany Way, Malibu
PRICE: $6,950,000
SIZE: 5,964 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 6 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Privacy abounds on the close-in yet completely secluded three acre Malibu celebrity estate. Approximately 6,000 sq. ft. well appointed two-story home complete with updated chef's kitchen, over sized master wing, separate guest apartment, beautifully manicured grounds, lighted tennis court, pool, three stall horse paddock, hay barn and so much more. Property has direct acces to riding trails on over 2,000 acres of park land.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Your Mama knows we are a little late to the rodeo on this one having already been discussed here, there and everywhere, but we do not want to hear it from any of the sassy children because we carry a candle in our cold, dark heart for Miz Sally Field, so we're gonna say a few words anyway.

Miz Field, who currently tears up the boob-toob on that maudlin but unfortunately addictive Brothers and Sisters program that the Dr. Cooter got us hooked on, recently listed her three-ish acre Malee-boo estate with an asking price of $6,950,000.

Love her or not–and Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter both love her like the dickens–she's one of Tinseltown's most decorated actresses who has managed to remain a relevant since her days as Gidget and The Flying Nun in the 1960s, which for those children who can't count (and we suspect there are a few of you out there), that's more than 40 damn years ago. The formidable (and oft criticized) actress has taken home two Oscars including for her lead role in 1979s Norma Rae and the other one in 1985 when she made that acceptance speech that has haunted her for nearly 3 decades. She's also got three Emmys plus 4 additional nominations including one for her soo-blime performance in Sybil and 2 Golden Globes plus 8 additional nominations. And those, children, are just the mac daddy awards. Bee-hawtcha has more awards and nominations that Your Mama can count on our fingers and toes.

Anyhoo, records reveal the smart, savvy and politically vocal Miz Field (remember the 2007 Emmys?) picked up her perfectly private property in May of 2004 for $4,822,500.

Property records show the two-story house measures 5,964 square feet and listing information shows there are 5 bedrooms and 6 bathrooms including an impressive sounding "master wing" with a large bathroom all did up in a too Shabby Chic style for our personal taste.

The main living space appears to be an open plan situation where the formal living room area with its four powder blue velveteen armchairs and super shiny baby grand piano opens to a glassed in dining area with a long farmhouse table surrounded by 10 white oval backed Bergère chairs covered in chocolate fabric.

The dining area is open to the commodious kitchen that includes a large work island, and a second much smaller work island whose only purpose seem to be to keep Miz Field from bumping her head on that horrendous and huge pot rack. Sally, darlin', we adore you, but the pot rack hanging down in the middle of the damn room like that is a serious error in judgment and makes Your Mama want to puke. As far as we are concerned, cooking vessels belong in cupboards and not hanging from some damn metal contraption affixed to the ceiling. It's just not sanitary.

Anyhoo, there are several additional and casual sitting rooms including a family room with a brick fireplace, a screened porch with a great view of the mountains and bunch of wicker furniture that we hate, and a book shelf lined den with a gigantic chocolate brown sectional sofa and where if you look closely you can see an Emmy or two and a couple of Oscars. Additionally, according to listing information, there is an office, media room, a wine cellar, a sound studio (sound studio?) and a separate guest apartment so Miz Field need not worry about making coffee in the nood when she is hosting overnight guests.

The extensive grounds include a long, celebrity style driveway, a swimming pool surrounded by a big deck, a lighted tennis court (would Miz Field want to play doubles with Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter?), stables for three horses, and a large flat grassy area where she can pitch a tents or host a large party. The property backs up to 2,000 acres of park land with direct access to riding trails, something horsey types will find very appealing but is of no use to Your Mama who would sooner have a horse ride on our back than get up on a horse's back.

Previous to moving to Malee-boo, Miz Field lived for a very long time in a very privately situated house in Brentwood on 7th Helena Drive that records show she sold to Oscar nominated Aussie actress Naomi Watts in July of 2004 for $4,205,000 and who presumably shares the house with her man-mate and baby daddy Liev Schreiber.